How Ex Become Friends After Divorce and Separation

To a lot of individuals, separation and divorce has the negative connotations of ex-couples losing complete interest in one another and never crossing paths again. It’s a fact that some ex-couples oftentimes move to different cities and start new families by remarrying and having offspring.

Amazingly in different cases, evaluations of times can bring divorced and separated couples into closer friendships, especially when the ex-couples have kids together, are single, and reside in the same town. Usually in these examples, the source of separation and divorce were because of minor differences as opposed to abuse or betrayal. Examples of these life-changing events which bring these ex-couples together consist of young children or grandchildren, difficult financial circumstances, and illnesses.

Amidst the stereotypical divorced and separated couples whose young children or grandparents see them one at a time though visitations, some divorced and separated couples let their offspring to see them together on a range of occasions. Specifically, they might have dinner together during weekends and vacations and go to ball or plays games together.

Difficult Economic Situations

In some instances, when divorced and separated couples haven’t remarried, they might live together briefly to reduce expenses. Particularly during tough financial times, ex-couples may face problems of debt or layoffs that place them in a bind. A strong friendship causes among those ex-couples to want to be on the lookout for another until another gets back on their feet.


This may be mortifying for another ex-spouse who doesn’t need anything awful to happen to another especially when they have kids together. The bond could be so powerful that ex-spouses are known to return into the picture concerning seeing the ailing ex-spouses to keep them firm, bring them food, or care for them if they’re disabled. A prime example is the case of a couple who divorced after 14 years of marriage because of the husband’s busy work schedule inconsistent with the couple’s quality time together, placing a strain on their marriage. After both ex-couples remarried, those unions also stopped. When she informed her ex-husband of her identification, he took on the role of being her main caregiver bringing them to return in union, which has lasted a total of 28 years. This illustrates the time is the best healer and how friendships can last forever.

The fundamental idea is that life-changing events can lead divorced and separated couples to return as close friends as well as spouses based on the extremity of their separation. The experiences gained while apart make a new perspective on life that’s beneficial in assisting the ex-couples to get along better. Interestingly, if an ex-spouse remarried and it didn’t work out, the ex-spouse may understand that their first spouse wasn’t so bad. Ex-couples might even realize that it might have never been intended for them to be spouses but instead to be buddies. Everything boils down to the strong force of friendship in reuniting divorced and separated couples with time and through life-changing events.

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Do You Feel Secure With the Man You Live With?

I lived with a man for almost three years without the benefit of marriage. With what result? I can honestly say that, emotionally and psychologically, they were the worst three decades of my life.

We went into our connection with the identical idea that most men and women appear to have now, which is, ‘Once bitten, twice shy,’ too, ‘You do not understand a person until you’ve lived with him.’ So if things did not work out, I felt it would be easier to break the connection than to go through divorce courts.

Insecurity Causes Problems

But it’s those thoughts that cause problems. How do you feel safe never knowing if the other person will still be with you this time next year, or another month?

A de facto relationship has such a temporary sound to it. There’s always the fear that someone else will come along and the connection can just as easily be shifted to this one.

Other Problems

Yes, there is always tension. You can’t ever relax, because you’re always on guard against doing or saying something which may drive the other person away. And anxiety is felt, because an argument will almost always end with one of you using emotional blackmail and saying, ‘I’m leaving.’

That expression de facto was my biggest problem. I would desperately need to explain I was not really an immoral person, that I wasn’t the kind who flitted from man to man. But, clearly, I was immoral, whether it was only with a single man or with a few, and my conscience gave me quite a struggle.

The psychological problems started also. They were shown in depression, feelings of unworthiness and, finally, of self-destruction. Even now, five years after this relationship ended, I feel so ashamed and unclean that I wish to blank out the memories of my mind forever. But I can not, because, as the Creator says, ‘we reap what we sow.’ I have a daily reminder in the form of my little boy who was the consequence of that previous union.

I believed that I could protect both him and my two kids from my first marriage against any bias. On the surface it seems as if I have been married twice. But it only serves to make me feel dishonest every time I am called by that name.

In Retrospect

Looking back, I realize that I did much more than damage my own standing. I put my three children in a position that left them open to attack by other kids at school, all due to the morals of their mother, that, of course, they could not deny. It must have made them ashamed too.


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